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Are you angry at the world? Do you want make sure that everyone comes around and sees the truth? Why not try trolling? Just follow these simple steps and you`re on your way.

  1. Don’t read or view the entire piece on which you plan to comment – Doing so may impinge on your ability to rant semi-incoherently.
  2. Developing an understanding is never necessary – Existing generalizations will always suffice.
  3. Have a go at minorities – Because there are less of them than you, means they must be everywhere and that is a bad thing. Try pretending they don’t have a history acknowledging they do will prevent you from making the argument you want.
  4. Bring up morality – Your hatred and desire for others to suffer is first and foremost a moral position.
  5. Talk about common sense – The illogical connections you make can always be brushed over if you finish your post by pointing out it’s common sense.
  6. Don’t avoid smearing your opponents – nothing says you have a good sound factually based opinion more clearly than starting off or signing off with a personal attack.
  7. CAPSLOCK, Bold, Italics – They’re like yelling which always signals you out as thoughtful person in a normal conversation and have the same effect here on the internet.
  8. Bring-up ‘the Koolade’ – It is a mind-controlling drink full of chemical colourings and simple sugars that those enviro-organic types love.
  9. Talk about “interest groups” – Better yet mention special interest groups.  These are people who care about things like mothers or the earth or their own lives, silly little things that get in the way of money accumulation.  Take it out on other the fact that your mother never called you special.
  10. Mention Taxes or Taxdollars or Taxpayers – The entire government is running off the money you and your next door neighbour sent in last year.  This entitles you to determine how much everyone else gets.
  11. Reference political correctness – The fact that you are saying this here means it can’t be said.
  12. Misquote – The CTRL-copy function is not an opportunity to make what you say clear and properly attributed but subtle way of enforcing the political correctness you must rally against.
  13. Insist your worldview is reality – You possess the one true way of seeing the world. Be a prophet.
  14. Talk about personal experience – You saw someone darker than you doing something one time, you know what they’re like. Use this anecdote to describe an entire community. Better yet make up your own story, no one can contradict you because they were never there and you know that because you made it up.
  15. Use quirky terms that combine words – These cool new terms ensure that anyone you are trying to convince can easily breeze over your post and ignore it when they see your reference to Obamacare, Second Nations or whatever cool new word you came up with.
  16. Mention Radicalism, Marxism, Socialism, Fascism, etc. – Indicating someone believes in such ensures the subsequent debate will be fruitful and recognize the nuance of each other’s position.
  17. Repost – If you get flagged for some minor indiscretion like a simple attempt to get a new genocide up and running repost and don’t forget to mention the thought police when you complain about the first post being removed.
  18. Make demands – As a random person on the internet you are entitle to make them provide the proof already widely available to discredit your fictional assertions.
  19. Invent, invent, invent – This is the internet make up whatever you like. People may call you on your fabrications but thanks to technology they’ll never give you the spanking you deserve.
  20. Stay angry – Your mind is never as clear as when you’re in a hysterical rage.
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