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Dear White People HQ,

I am a struggling comedian who is failing to appeal to white audiences. Whenever I go to see another stand up act I am stunned by how many laughs they get off of pure racism. I saw one guy with some puppets do a full hour long show just of racism and he made it to TV. Still if you go see a set at a club you might get 2 minutes or 5 minutes or 17 minutes of racism then they yell a swear word multiple times insinuate someone is gay and call it a night. Those who don’t do racism use misogyny. I’ve attached five of my attempts at racist jokes (well four and a misogyny one) none of which are getting good laughs and am hoping the community can help and tell me how to racist them up a bit.

  1.  What is with significant number of young black men wearing baggy pants? Are they trying to show solidarity with other young black men over-represented in the penal system thanks to a new form of Jim Crow mimicking legislation and old fashioned racism which puts them in prisons where they are denied the right to where belts for supposed security reason while the private prison owners make larger profits by cutting back on security within the prison’s they own?
  2. Why don’t Mexicanos in California get American citizenship? Is it because there were there first and California is historically a part of Mexico or is it because larger employers in the state are more able to exploit them under the table without papers whilst being able to mistreat since the threat of deportation that hangs over the workers acts as a deterrent to labour organizing or otherwise standing up for themselves free of the threat of reprisals?
  3. A Muslim women walks into a store in Afghanistan and blows the place to smithereens, but why? Is it because they are in an asymmetrical conflict where the options for deterring an invading army largely reliant on air power are limited or are they just trying to show how much more dedicated to bravery and sacrifice they are compared to an army made up primarily of poor people there to get funding for an education otherwise inaccessible despite their state’s comparatively massive wealth who really do not understand the difference between defending their country and invading another and until recently where so afraid of certain forms of love they legally banned their practice?
  4. The year is 2020 and a Cree man, an Anishnaabe man and a Mi’kmaq woman walk into a bar. They each drink a  sensible amount and leave. They pay the bill but no sales tax because thanks to the success of the Indigenous Nationhood Movement they are excluded from funding their own apartheid and have taken up a new economic system which doesn’t rely on taxes at the point of consumption but a new structure which prizes the sustainability of cultures and the land on which they are based over economic profit.
  5. My wife hates me but she tolerates because I have a larger income and she feels trapped in the relationship. Is there a more common example of patriarchy?

Once again my jokes not getting a laugh any ideas on how I can racist (or misgoynize) them up would be appreciated.

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2 thoughts on “Racist Jokes (a letter)

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