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After complaints that white people have for years faced an easier time at police checks simply because of the colour of their skin one police force has attempted to provide a policy which ends this skin-based profiling. We at White People HQ have obtained the following recording of one of the first non-skin colour based stops.  Due to the quality of the recording we only have the police officer’s voice be we can confirm the man pulled over was melanin-deficient.

Hello sir, license and registration?

Thanks sir.

I am going to have to ask you a couple of questions it is all just part of our new procedure.

Well we were pulling people over based on skin colour which was seen as an unacceptable way to profile so we’ve moved on to profiling according to states of mind. All the questions will be to determine whether you act as white as you look, okay?

First question, do you hold an indigenous world view?

No. lots of people say they are spiritual and dabbled in Buddhism and/or Hinduism we know that that is mostly just crap.

I am sure it seems real to you. Now, does the name … Tai, sorry, Dai..uh, Dayah … sorry, Tayagah … um. Does the name Gerald Alfred mean anything to you?

How about Black thought. Who would you consider the most prominent black thinkers that influenced you?

You didn’t seriously just say Michael Jordan did you?

Don’t worry Booker T. Washington is not on our list. You did mention MLK however though. Which MLK though, the real anti-war one or the pacified version you learned in school?

Yeah. If it is just the version you learned in school you’ll be fine with all of these questions.

How about Latin American revolutionary thinkers?

Everyone has that T-shirt. How about Subcomandante Marcos ever heard of him?

He is the leader of a resistance movement in southern Mexico.

I don’t know why if he is the leader he would add the prefix sub- either.

How about Islam? Any plans to convert?

Okay good, I still need to ask you what Jihad means to you?

Actually you’d be surprised those who believe it is solely violent war are actually less of a threat than the people who see it as a constant struggle for personal and community improvement.

Something to do with the fact that having enemies willing to fight a war helps us maintain our own obsessions with showing military might.

Sorry did you just say, the Arab Spring inspires you?

And did you just say you say you see parallels with it and Idle No More?

Get out of the car please sir, hands on the hood.

And this is where, in typical police fashion, the recording ends.

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One thought on “An End to Visual Racial Profiling

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