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A couple members of White People HQ were thinking of bringing this pitch to Dragon’s Den or Shark Tank and are looking for feedback.

Is your PR obviously bogus? Could you benefit from the appearance of an expert on your side? Do you wish someone with a bunch of letters behind their name would endorse you? Well we have the service for you: The Public Intellectual Supply Service.

You may think there are already a number of rent-an-expert services available but none are as extensive as those supplied by The P.I.S.S.  The P.I.S.S. recruits straight out of universities and can help to ensure that those experts you need have actually studied in the area you desire. Through business sponsored scholarships you can direct your desired public intellectual or expert so that they mould and shape the very myths you need to do profitable business for the beginning of their career.

The P.I.S.S. also provides back-ups.  Recently a number of prominent rent-an-opinions have started disgracing themselves through admitting publicly their belief that fetuses are people but children are not or defending en masse child pornography as though it were an academic discipline. With P.IS.S. we can guarantee another name desperate for money and attention will show up to defend your corporation or organizations illogical ploys should the first one go down. We also ensure against bogus excuses like, I didn’t know the camera was on; or I was in professor-mode.

The P.I.S.S. also helps avoid many issues that think-tanks and consultancy groups suffer from.  No sane person is going to believe anything out of the Fraser Institute. Deloitte is soon to follow them into the mists of the blatantly partisan and frankly unbelievable.  The P.I.S.S. on the other hand allows for a new name and a new face which prevents the problems of group affiliation that more established organizations create.  Furthermore ensuring your expert is attached to an academic institution provide a credibility other you can’t get anywhere else.

The P.I.S.S. also provides confidentiality.  Many experts have their partiality disclosed when they are seen associating with the organizations they create myths for.  Using the P.I.S.S. you have a convenient go-between you and your expert which prevents you from having to deal with the nasty-business of being called out when you are seen with the expert you have hired.  The payments will all go through our charitable wing which officially promotes “leadership”. |This way no one will know that you have funded the opinions you purchase.

Finally we at P.I.S.S. guarantee that your experts will not turn on their previously commissioned opinions.  One issue with commissioned opinions is the possibility that the experts providing them will have a crisis of conscience and renege on their previous statements. Thanks to the influence of private-partnerships within universities we have been able, through collaborative efforts, with those purchasing academic institutions to control what is said. This ensures the your expert’s advancement will be tied to representing your interests.

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