When people are referring to us white people there is often confusion as to what the correct terminology is. How do you refer to a white person you’ve just met or someone who has recently indicated their whiteness to you? Here at White People HQ we propose a simple answer: just call us whitey.
Whitey is great because it is simple and unambiguous. Whitey can easily and effectively replace: he, she, one, zhe or even they in different instances. He is our boss, easily becomes: whitey is our boss. Being gender neutral whitey saves you fumbling around with gendered pronouns when you are unsure. Whitey also effectively replaces other words like lady and guy which indicate status and/or age. Gather round guys and gals, easily becomes: gather round whiteys. Whitey is also relatively fresh and new which, considering how often we as white people appropriate well developed cultural elements, gives us a chance to be out in the lead for once.
Let’s be honest, white people don’t like history or its implications. We are fine with the crap we put in history textbooks to confuse children but actually history bothers us because it implicates us. Cracker and honky both have history, in that they were said in the past. Cracker and honky don’t have a history connected to the suffering of oppression because we are talking about white people remember. Nevertheless whitey has the benefit of having virtually no history behind it.
Whitey is also comparatively accurate and efficient compared to many contemporary labels. Take the label Caucasian for example, when was the last time you met a person identifying as Caucasian who knew anything about Chechnya? Whitey also removes the challenging and cumbersome hyphenation issue that labels like white-euro-North-American bring.
Finally the label whitey centralizes one element of a white person’s identity. This will create discomfort amongst white people who are used to imagining they are normal, the standard or something inherently unlabelably superior. This gives white people a chance to worry about stereotype threat and feel the pressure or representing a community. As white people we think being identified and labeled will allow us to experience some form of discrimination evening things out using just word. Please everyone for the sake of our recurring privilege lets all keep it to just words.