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Since UKIP has received much deserved rebuke of late over their Charter for Muslims, we here at White People HQ have taken it upon ourselves to develop a charter for them. No reasonable UKIPer should have any issue adding their name to its list of signatories.

UKIP Charter of Reasonable Behaviour for creating a more Positive Britain

Preamble

As UKIP members we recognize the importance of building tolerance and understanding in Britain. In the past (and present (and honestly speaking the future too)) we haven’t been the best at preaching tolerance being a rabidly racist anti-immigrant party without even a veil over our actions and all. We now move forward into the future, by presenting the following articles to guide our actions in the future.

Article 1

The UKIP hazing ritual (the one involving squirrels and the sex thing) shall no longer be practiced. Although by signing this as UKIP members we acknowledge we’ve done it, and liked it. New UKIP members or non-UKIP members shall not be required to participate it. We UKIP members admit participating in it makes us very naughty boys.

Article 2

No UKIP member shall publicly or privately blame tolerance of gay people for the weather. UKIP members ergo shall not seek employ as meteorologists either on the television, radio, any other media, or in general comment on the weather and its reason for being. This includes the use of comments similar to, but not necessarily “it’s really coming down out there, someone in an official capacity must have failed to use their position to discriminate against a gay couple.” For the safety of all of Britain meteorologists who are UKIP members shall resign immediately or understand themselves to be banished from the house of UKIP.

Article 3

The place Bongo-bongo land shall no longer be referred to in any official policy or as part of any dialogue. Any references to said place shall be punishable by the following:

  • Those using this term shall be place on a small raft given nothing but a single British meat pie.
  • Those using said term will be denied re-entry to Britain until they can prove they have discovered said place.
  • Proof of said place shall include: full nautical charts, a complete list of local species, and a sculpture made from the bedrock.
  • Anyone caught attempting to return without full proof shall be served buffet-style at the next party conference on the third day.

Article 3

No UKIP member shall write or disseminate any policy. Any existing policies shall be destroyed and memory of them physically erased from UKIP members brains.

Article 7

The signatories to this charter affirm their profound belief in the necessity of UKIP to maintain the charade of reasonableness for other white parties in the British political system.

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