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  • Many white people reminisce about the 1950s whilst denying all the stuff they did to everyone else at the same time.
  • Here at White People HQ, economics, education, law and city planning are all filed under ‘C’ for control strategies.
  • White people invented white flight and gentrification.
  • White people don’t like history it is embarrassing that is why we make up our own.
  • Whenever you need a revolutionary movement we’ll be there to build an evangelical church run by a charity. – White People.
  • White people freak out when they lose electricity because they don’t know how to do anything without power.
  • White people think being called a racist is more of a problem then the fact that they are one.
  • White people have your back, right until the last push over the cliff.
  • White people struggle to tell the difference between good and slightly less horrible for this reason they vote enthusiastically.
  • White people are frightened by escalations but love escalators.
  • Only white people thought the Conservative agenda was hidden.
  • White people may complain about or even rally against foreign apartheids but will always claim innocence when it comes to their own.
  • Due to an error in interpretation white people think appropriation is appropriate.
  • White people have been known to be angry at your exclusion whilst simultaneously excluding you.  No one else knows how this is possible.
  • Many white people claim to be experts in things they know nothing about.
  • White people are really good at patriarchy.
  • White people are responsible for misogyny in gamer culture.
  • Sorry everyone else but there is only one person who can open a white heart and he is a cardiothoracic surgeon.
  • White people invented universal design that is why it excludes everyone else.
  • White people come in all shapes and size but only one flavour and its gross.
  • White people are notorious for breaking their new year’s resolutions, promises and treaties.
  • White people invented victim-blaming without which they’d have to take responsibility themselves.
  • Most of the accusations launched at #idlenomore by white people are as baseless as their claims to indigenous land.
  • If you’ve never met a white person you are really very lucky.
  • White people don’t make love they just screw people, usually over.
  • Did you know: The average white person has more invested in racism than the bank?
  • In the face of revolution all white people can offer is a spelling change, the ‘v’ to an’s’.
  • White people address racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism and other oppressions separately and by address we usually mean ignore.
  • White people want to save the environment for our children but not for your children.
  • Some white people are atheists, but they do it with unmatched religiosity. Also they are responsible for atheism’s evangelical wing.
  • White people didn’t invent feminism but we have our own really shitty version of it.
  • Only white people think 5,832,401 in a country of over 30 million is a majority.
  • Wondering if white people are about to run out of racist insults? No and also we have a bunch of sexist, transphobic and homophobic ones too
  • If you needed more proof that white people don’t think others are fully human just look at how white people estimate protest numbers.
  • White people invented manarchism.
  • To be declared a problem by white people is to be recognized as having power.
  • White people love charity. It makes us feel so much better than justice.
  • The mainstream media like other streams on which white people depend is heavily polluted by toxic vitriol.
  • For those wondering what the “aboriginal problem” is it’s colonialism, we just don’t like implicating ourselves in our titles – White People
  • White people are having trouble comprehending Chief Spence’s hunger strike because the only thing they’ve ever been hungry for is power.
  • There is no such thing as an indigenous white person.
  • White people are very good at tolerance, less so at love and acceptance.
  • White people have impeccable hearing which is ironic because very few ever learn how to truly listen.
  • “This is my knowledge now because I am the expert.” – White academic
  • White science was retarded for centuries as all the male scientists debated which one of them was truly the centre of the universe.
  • The only people who truly believe decolonization is just a metaphor: white people.
  • White people do not hibernate to the disappointment of everyone else.
  • White people worry more about invasive species than invasive people.
  • White people came up with “The War on Drugs” after “The War on Inner City Folks of Colour” was deemed too long a title.
  • No one else is as afraid of something they use every day to the extent that white people are afraid of violence.
  • White people think the world is their playground, their role in it schoolyard bully.
  • White people believe in traditional marriage, anyone that can afford one should be able to buy a wife.
  • White people invented the prison industrial complex.
  • White people use the term illegal because if the term immoral was used it would apply to them and not immigrants.
  • White people are what is wrong with rap music.
  • Some people think whiteness and Europeaness are identical. Those people have never heard of Sápmi.
  • White people complaining about cops are like collies complaining about pit bulls; both are just different breeds of the man’s best friend.
  • When we call you a terrorist it’s only because: “I don’t like you, go away” makes us sound like the petulant children we are – White People
  • White people cannot pronounce Onkwehonwe, Haudenosaunee or Anishinaabeg. They can however say aboriginal.
  • White people invented bullying.
  • White people invented all the oppressions, even the minor ones you hardly ever think of.
  • “You’re racist” is short for “you’re pointing out my racism and it hurts my privileged feelings, I don’t want to think” for white people.
  • White guilt is unique as a type of guilt in its ability to spur a change in future actions.
  • White athletes play with a special skill free violence described by our sports media as “heart”.
  • White people invented racism.
  • White people invented fascism.
  • “Hey, look over there” is a common white debating strategy. Often followed by “at least we aren’t as racist as them” whether accurate or not
  • Some white people claim to be Marxist, but most of them don’t really get it.
  • “So much progress now that we have a black man in charge of our industrial killing machine.” – White people on Obama’s drone war.
  • White people didn’t invent politics but we did invent politicians.
  • White people call ourselves “taxpayers” because “apartheid-funders” sticks in the throat.
  • White people invented colonialism.
  • Many white children play a game called cowboys and robbers – the point it to steal as much land and oil as you can.
  • Many white children play a game called cops and Indians. It always ends with a stacked and biased judicial inquiry.
  • Marking your territory is a common white practice: Ergo bedwetting.
  • Don’t be insulted if a white person calls your outfit a costume, they wear one every day called “not-a-douche” very few do it convincingly.
  • White people refer to others as children because their privilege has prevented them from ever growing up.
  • You may think it’s a compliment to hear a white person say they love you but they say that about their dog, their car and their money.
  • Like rats white people can solve mazes. Unlike rats they require a local guide.
  • White people can eat almost anything unless it has flavour.
  • As Chief Spence’s hunger strikes recalls Ghandi those steeped in white-lore say: “Wait a minute, which Indians are we talking about?”
  • All Irish people used to be cool. Now some of them are white.
  • Some people think white people are from Alberta. Actually we invented Alberta, South Africa, Australia, Canada, Israel and Apartheid.
  • White people support the occupation of Palestine so that if Jesus comes back they can kill him before he judges them.
  • White people have three main genres of music: stolen, adulterated and watered-down.
  • Scientists trying to find a phenomenon more destructive than white people haven’t
  • White people care about their environment because it is theirs and not yours, according to their traditional teachings.
  • White people have an embarrassingly low 0.2% literacy rate. Only a few can decipher even the most basic wampum belt.
  • White people like to be allies; they will claim this status without ever meeting you or asking what it is you want.
  • White people invented political parties. Like all parties started by white people the music selection is horrible.
  • Due to a genetic defect white people can only see non-white characters in one or at most two dimensions.
  • White people invented the suburbs.
  • White gay people are celebrated for their vaunted ability to pink wash otherwise dull racisms.
  • No one knows where white people originated. Some speculate it is the Sun News, Fox News and Daily Mail comment boards.
  • One common white people hobby is making 734 internet comments a day about other people’s laziness in between masturbation sessions.
  • White people love awareness, not such big fans of action though.
  • Anthropology was invented by white people to prevent honest cultural exchange among equals.
  • White people often declare they can’t see race. What they mean is they can’t see racism.
  • Most people worry about who is oppressed, white people worry about who is offended.
  • White people always like to talk about personal responsibility but never about what they are personably responsible for.
  • White people were invented in the 1800s as a way to unify European racists with colonizers around the world.
  • White people thought up reverse-racism which unlike real racism reverse-racism remains in their minds.
  • White people really like Israel because they love walls, both mental and physical.
  • Rather than refer to themselves as white people forever some invented the concept citizen to legally codify it.
  • More progressive white people refer to “structural racism” as a way of disguising their personal role in perpetuating racism.
  • No one knows why white people hate “minorities” because they usually are one themselves.
  • The phrase “the rule of law” can often be replaced with the phrase “white power” with the sentence retaining the same meaning.
  • Straightalk is what white people do when they speak their racism without filtering it through context, facts and/or subtlety
  • When white people say they want to end your misery they mean your life.
  • White people like to name sports teams after their favourite racisms, see: Washington NFL, Edmonton CFL, Atlanta and Cleveland MLB.
  • White people are famous for their cults. Two you may have heard of are: Christianity and Capitalism
  • If a white person steals your stuff simply wait 10 years and then petition the appropriate museum.
  • White people came up with “Happy Holidays” because they’d rather make you celebrate pretend Christmas than celebrate your holidays too.
  • Many children have imaginary friends; white adults often have imaginary native ancestors both make people feel better.
  • White people want you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps without the pulley system built by slaves on unceded land that they stole
  • White people are the only people who refer to the working class elements that support them as trash.
  • Not all white people are the same. Some are demons others are devils.
  • White people are known for their stiff upper lips and therefore make horrible kissers.

13 thoughts on “White People Facts

  1. I am white and personally agree with everything on this blog. I believe that white people have nothing to be proud of. I try everyday to convince other white people that we are all just an evil slug race and the eventual self destruction method to this planet. White people should not even be called a race, we are all just a disease to this planet and all the other clean races.

  2. I love how someone says “I am white” so it is ok to be prejusduse and racist and a bigot agains my own race. They all those things and more.. Self loathing comes to mind. Much like the teenager that hates everything, and believes that the America is one big conspiracy. Only life experience will educate them. Double standards control their lives.

  3. As a “white person” whatever that means, I feel like this list was written by someone who has knows nothing about “white people” as the term itself is vague and groups many different people of diffrent cultures “who are nothing alike except for a slight variety of a pinkish/pale color.” Together to have something to bitch about? I feel like it’s the same thing happens when “white people” say “colored people.” Even though Hispanics and African American people are completely diffrent. For example, you wouldent call Scotland racist because of what Hitler did. After all, they had nothing to do with it. But they fall under the “white” category so it automatically makes them racist? What about the children and grandchildren of these people? Who have literally never done, thought or said anything racist? Or the German “white people” who abandoned there home country because of the racist Nazi ongoings? Smearing hate based on skin color is completely counterproductive to an anti racist agenda. So was this list ment to empower people who are not “white” by trying to make fun of people who are or was it trying to be extremely ignorant and racist? I love how people preach anti racism with more racism! Gotta keep the wheel of hate spinning I guess…must be all them “white people” again. To me everyone has blue skin and are only judged based on there personal character, how they treat others and what garbage that is regurgitated out of their mouth or sloppily spilled onto a web page. But that must be racist of me to say as I share the skintone of someone or some people who did something racist once. Damn me for being born “white” 40-50 years after all the racist stuff happened in America and Germany, even though my family wasn’t in either Country at the time and am not directly associated anyone involved. One more thing, if I was born Jewish today can I take credit for being part the exodus in Egypt? After all, I’d be Jewish and share the same skintone as the people in the exodus. even though my existence post dates those events by thousands of years?

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